When you grow up

Me: what do you want to be when you will become big?
Rene: I will be bob the builder.

After 2-3 minutes...

Rene: I will be mickey mouse when I become big

:)) :))

Zach milestone

12th july 2013: zach started to sit on his own, finally!!

20th July 2013: zach stood up in his cot holding the rails.

Rene's corner

Me: I have headache rene,  please give me medicine.
Rene: I am not doctor,  I am rene!

Rene showing toys basket to Zach : "dude, so many toys dude!"

and yet..

This is by my cousin Mahima who is awesomely multi-talented.

And I am in love with this one...

and yet...

So many thoughts inside of me, so many I cannot think.

So many contradictions that, you know there is a Simple link.

I blunder my way around life; and live without regrets.

So many voices in my mind, the music of silence begets.

I am what they made me; I am more than my experience.

So many doubts mock me, everything makes perfect sense.

I am because I am, I am my Why and What.

So many stars in the sky, I must be less than a dot.

Life feels gone in a flash, as Time eternally crawls.

So many thoughts inside of me, it’s a miracle I function at all.

The "Me" Time

What does a mother of a toddler misses the most? "Me" time. When I don't have to manage house chores, or to be in kitchen, or running after the little one. Just be with me, doing what I want to do, thinking about anything but home or husband or kid. Sometimes I think I should just take a couple of days off from home! Be at a secluded place, may be a beach or a small cottage surrounded by mist in some mountain... hmmm.. so tempting! Will a mother ever get a "me" time? when physically and mentally she is with her own-self? that won't be possible with me for sure! I think way too much about everything..

Life just revolves around the little one for now!

Blog-Shlog!

Internet is great. Internet is weird. And I am too dependent on it. I spend more time with laptop than with my husband, well not as a choice though. What would have I done without it is unimaginable. It lets me communicate with my folks back home, with my friends who are everywhere on the globe. Last night I was chatting with my 3 friends, one in UK, one in Congo and one in Bombay and me in Dubai. 3 different time zones!

And so I realized that I had a blog, where did it go? Call it side effects of pregnancy - forgetfulness! So, chatting with a dear friend of mine made me think why do we blog? Because i want a let out? Because you can be anonymous? Or do I write keeping in mind that someone will read it and make a judgement about me? Would it change anything if I know somebody whom i know would read it? Any which ways, I am back to writing, something that I stopped long back. I used to maintain a diary and I haven't been able to do that as well since so long. Actually, since I got pregnant. It should have been other way round. I should have written more often and may be reading that to my baby when he gets older would have been so much fun! (or may be not!) But yes, i have more than thousand (may be many many more!) pictures of last 2 years...

That is a kind of my photo-diary! Isn't it?

The restaurant

My colleagues took me out to show the night life of Boston. Apparently, there are more than 50 colleges/universities in and around Boston, including MIT, Harvard, Boston University (the more popular ones) and so to cater the needs of this huge young population, the city boasts more than 200 night clubs/ sports bars. So I geared up for a hectic evening, after a hectic day at work. The plan was to hop around and be at couple of good places rather than being at just one. Well, as per Bangalore rules, I was ready at 6:30 in the evening, but no call from any of the colleague!! I made couple of frantic calls at 7:30, hoping they have not forgotten me. To my surprise, I was enlightened by the fact that party scene doesn’t start before midnight! So I’ll be picked up around 10 pm.

And I thought, midnight.. Really midnight! Well, I must admit that I had never been to any club in my academic life (that wasn’t a conscious decision and surely it did not help studies much), and by the time I started working and hit the clubs of the city, the famous (or infamous) 11:30 pm deadline was imposed. Seriously by midnight, more than half of the (club-going) Bangalore population can be found at Empire’s.

So, 10 pm I was finally picked up and for another half an hour we roamed around ‘coz unanimous destination was not yet in sight. A restaurant (name deliberately not mentioned) was decided as a meeting place. Well, later we did club-hopping which was interesting and went quite well, and I came back home at 4 in the morning. What had a lasting impression on me, and the reason that I’m writing this blog after more than a year of that eventful evening, is THE RESTAURANT!

Now this place was indeed popular, looking at the crowd but seriously nothing like I imagined. A live singer and a man on piano; the singer was a stand-up comedian as well, if I could call that comedy. Why do I say so? The content! The lady had nothing to say but anything and everything related to sex. Definitely, it wasn’t a decent comedy, and it had the most vulgar comments I have ever heard in my life. She was swaying through each table and she knew somehow whom to target, like a hawk on its prey, and keeping an eye even on all those who stood up and were leaving. It was everything from proposing to dating to private parts to kissing to one night stands (the details included!!) and even positions!! WTF I say!! The crowd was roaring with laughter and I was feeling as embarrassed as ever. I was worried, thinking I would be easy target once she comes over to our table, you see I was the only brown at the table, probably in the entire crowd. I wanted to sit under the table or become invisible as she was approaching. Thankfully my dear friend Mr. D and his gf (of 8 years) were her easy targets. That evening, I realized what cultural shock is all about! I, however modern I call myself, could not take the frankness (or vulgar-ness, if there’s a word like that, whatever suits here!).

The icing on the cake was the waiter. I saw the menu, which did not have even one non-alcoholic drink except for coke. I decided the safest bet would be a glass of red wine, but I was oblivious of the brands scribbled in the menu.

So I asked, “Which red wine do you suggest?”

The man replied with the broadest, whitest smile ever, “everything we have in house is crap, so order whatever u find interesting by name in the menu.”

“What! No, seriously what!”

“Trust me, it’s really shitty.. “

“Do you really work here? Or you came from the neighboring one to sabotage the business?” I also tried to be funny with a broad smile.

He just shrugged with his whitest shining smile. What option I was left with?

I ordered coke, from one crappy drink to another!

Positive does not have a value, if negative does not exist!

There are certain things in life that u do not understand why they happen till u look back in time and realize how everything has fallen in place. And it is very obvious to think that was it predestined.. Was it just a part of some play that we are a part of… well, I felt so, and not just once so many times. I actually never liked the situations I always end up in, but now when I look back I know what a spectacular journey it has been and definitely it made me the person I am. May sound over optimistic but that is how I feel. I am not glad about what I went through but nor do I regret anything. Again, everything fell in place with the time.

One thing that I learnt is that if you believe in yourself, in what you doing, you can never go wrong. Standing at this point of time and looking back in time, the emotions are mixed, one side it seems as if just yesterday when I was having a rough patch with my family, and other hand couldn’t believe that patch ever existed! It’s been 4 years, and life couldn’t have been better and couldn’t have asked for more. A wonderful friend who turned out to be a more wonderful husband! Papa was so upset with everything that he did not talk to me for almost two years and now he can’t stop admiring his son in law. He seems to have found his long-lost son! And I feel content, I feel proud! I feel satisfied!

The journey from being a miss to missus was rather strange... Things change after marriage, does not matter how long you have known your spouse. It's not just the two people now; it is about a whole bunch of people in the family and their respective ideologies and emotions. When I got married, nobody from my side participated. . And o boy! What tantrums I threw! How emotionally charged I was!! And my hubby was there to bear the brunt! Later I realized I never thought what he would be going through at that particular time, even he was stepping into the same world as me. His family had planned everything, but still I wasn’t their choice. I was not of the same region, nor the same religion. They accepted me whole heartedly; still Sam was all alone in this. After all, Indian parents do not discuss “feelings” or “emotions”, or for that matter, anything openly. And then we had another marriage, 10 months later, when my parents accepted us. O my! Another f***ed up situation! My hubby again had his calm and patience to handle everything perfectly. His humor, his spirit is just inspirational. Ah! I am so blessed to have him in my life.

What a feeling!

Long time back i swore not to get into any relationship, since all one can get is pain. Then one day, just like that somebody walked into my life. I was too scared to admit whats going on and a part of me was all set to ignore and just believe that this is a phase which is going to pass away. I was thinking I was crazy to have the feelings I was begining to have for him, I got really angry on myself and started convincing myself against what i was feeling. All I know was there is some connection definitely from the first time we had a talk.

Then the day came when he expressed his feelings, i was scared of disappointment and was scared wheteher we'll be able to sail through??!!!

And now a year later, when we are going strong and I am sure that I have found true love, that true love surely exists, that this is one person who will stand by me whatever may happen, that this is one guy with whom i can spend my whole life, that i would love to grow old with guy, that i love him like crazy...

Sam, thanx a lot for walking into my life that one fine beautiful day.. I know our relationships have gone through many ups and downs, but i know all that has happened brought us so close to where we are today... All I want to say is that I LOVE U..

My life

Life's hard.. It gets really hard when you don't know where is it going, and what eactly u want in life or where exactly life is heading for.. Then help comes from where u have least expected.. I know, I know that's an old saying, but the truth! When I thought my life is a pure waste, I got a friend who was more than just being there. It was strange to me as to why somebody would sit with me till late in the night to hear some wierd stuff, that does not make sense to myself!! But she did! And that was just the begining of our strange friendship!
I was wierd and strange and irritating and what not, but 'coz of her i got to know what exactly my life wants from me.
Phew! no, not another story.. It's almost everybody's story. Everybody feels low at some level or other.. Some need emotional support and help, some don't. And I'm not afraid to admit that I am the one who needs support and don't want to be left alone.
Well I am glad HE sent me right support at the right time.
Even if i owe my life to u, my dearest friend, that won't be enough..
'Coz u led me to all the good things that happened to me..